Day 4

PT sucks. That's all I can really say.

Tomorrow will be the 4th consecutive day I will be exercising for an hour.

I know, it doesn't sound that bad right?

Hah!

I mean, I'm not fat (even though I think I am). I just lack a whole lot of muscle. I'm 109lbs of fat, a couch potato and it doesn't help that i'm 5"1' and lazy.

For me it's the most difficult thing in the world.

A. I HATE waking up early.

B. I HATE drinking water.

C. The most physical thing I do on a daily basis is checking my mail box.

That 1 hour is pure hell for me...

but I know that I'll survive...even if I puke my guts out >_<

I even asked myself "What the hell did I sign up for?"

I looked so pathetic because I can't even do a girl push up much less a regular one.

In the end, I know that this workout is good for me and I know I will be super happy with my body 6 months later...but damn. Right now I just hurt all over the place.

But like always, I try to see this as a good thing and I always keep in mind:

"What doesn't kill me makes me stronger!"

Maybe I'll get that 6 pack before November :)

~Rae

Life as We Know It

I don't even know where to start.

I know that A LOT of people are going to ask "why?" but honestly I don't know how to answer the question.

I mean I do know why I decided to join the Army.

I just don't want to share the reasons with people who pretend to be my friends. Which pretty much is everyone.

It's weird because my family loves the fact I'm doing it and completely understand why I'm doing it. They actually get it, but I'm 100% sure no one else will.

It's even funny because my cousin told me she would have done the same exact thing if only she wasn't a "weenie".

All I know is that even though I'm going active for 5 years because I got 31Bravo & Airborne (which I absolutely LOVE) I will still be "young". I mean, when I get out, i'll be 23...which if you really think about it, I still have loads of years ahead of me to live.

I feel so satisfied that I didn't join because no college wanted me. I actually applied to USF, FIU and UF.

And USF & FIU accepted me. So I know I'm not stupid and I could have gone down south if I wanted to.

I'm smart and the Army wasn't a last resort.

I know I made the right choice. And for now, I'm happy.

Unfortunately, I won't be happy for long because gossip and pathetic comments will bring my bubble down.

But I will keep on doing my thing. Because I always have and I always will.

~Rae

Human Problems

I don't know why but I don't like "hanging out" with people. Sure it may be fun...but it's only fun at the moment. It's not a satisfactory feeling I retain in my body for a long time. In fact, it vanishes once I get in my car to go home.

I am usually first to ask "Why?"

But I stopped asking "why?" and started looking deep into my soul for such answers.

(Sounds lame, I know but what else do I got?)

right?

I've always believed I was an anti-social freak because I am socially awkward.

I suck at making friends

I suck at starting conversations

I suck at greeting others

I just suck at being human. (If it even makes sense)

But what can I do?

Even when I'm invited to go out, I always ignore the invitation and just play Leauge of Legends.

What a life.

But maybe someday I will be a social butterfly because I'm tired of just doing nothing.

I'm tired of having my nose stuck in a book.

I'm tired of saying no.

I'm tired of being in my cave.

I want to fly free.

~Rae

Tearing it to Pieces

I don't know why people never take me seriously. Not at church, not at school, not at jobs, not with my friends, not even with my family. I don't understand. Why?

Is it because of my height? Because I'm female? Because of my age? Because of my personality?

Am I even sane?

I could just ponder on all night long wondering why this happens to me. No matter in what situation I am stuck in, no one ever believes a word I say. Even though I have been proven right multiple times, still, no one listens to me or accepts anything I say. People just simply believe I am an understated fact.

It's frustrating because I am open to so many things and people are just so close-minded to me. No one ever focuses on what I do or say.

And ultimately, it's saddening because I want to be taken seriously. I want people to respect me for who I am and listen to my opinions.

All my life I have felt invisible, but lately I have been truly feeling invisible because I'm just simply put aside.

I sometimes wonder if people think that what I say are just lies.

~Rae

Dreams?

So I have been having loads of crazy dreams these past days. I'm the weirdo that writes down dreams immediately after I wake up in a special journal.

Hah. Not really special but w.e.

So far I have around 9 dreams I've written down...

That's because I usually never remember my dreams. I always wake up and never remember. Which I hate because I love to dream.

I love dreaming because to me, that's the only time I actually feel human. I feel all sorts of emotions stirring up in my body and so many reactions. I get to see what I would do in different situations.

Anyways, I think I'm going to post up my dreams & stories here. But instead of rewriting it word for word, I'm just going to add more detail and alternate it a bit...most likely alot ;D

It will be interesting. Who knows. Maybe I'll become famous like J.K. Rowling for my stories. lmao.

~Rae

Grocery Shopping

Ok, Is it just me or does this happen to anyone else?

My mom left early morning to work and left me and my Dad the job to go food shopping.

Aim: Buy food that we need.

So me and my Dad decided to go grocery shopping today. Fun right?

We go off and decide to go to Chung Ching Supermarket (yes, it's Chinese). We start picking up random things that, I slowly started to realize, were irrelevant to food we needed. My Dad went off to pick up sweet breads and such and I went off to pick up random snacks that looked yummy.

I picked up random crap like:

(I absolutely love these cookies!!)

In the end, we didn't even know what we needed so we just bought random fruits and veggies.

I never want to go grocery shopping with my Dad again.

~Rae

Today

It's been a cold rainy day in Cow Town Florida.
No, I don't live in a city called Cow Town. I call this little town Cow Town because comparing to where I came from, this town is very small and country.

Being my smart self I decided to wear sandals and not bring an umbrella. Even though it's the "Sunshine State", Rain is one of the annoying qualities Florida weather tends to have, along with humidity.

It's only 50 degrees outside. I know I shouldn't be complaining because other states are in the negatives. Although snow looks like something anyone would want to dance through I'm glad I'm not cracking ice off my car windshield and shoveling snow off my driveway.

So I shall thank beautiful Florida for being so "warm" on this fine cloudy day. hah

~Rae